u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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