Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
