My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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