if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
