I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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