I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
