So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
