guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
