you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
