can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
