We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
