I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Success! We fucked roommates!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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