Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
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Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
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she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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