You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
