It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
do herpes really smell.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
