totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
