I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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