you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
NoShamevember. You game?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
