Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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