i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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