he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
