If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
