All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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