so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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