she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
