My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
