Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
