As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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