oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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