I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
