He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
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We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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