Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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