He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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