two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
