This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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