I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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