there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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