I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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