yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
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Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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