Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
