My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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