OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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