Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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