Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
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Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
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He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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