If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
