Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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