also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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