Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
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Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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