So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
