i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
