My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
