You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
