if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
