Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
