I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
