Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
