Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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