Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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