where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
