To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
