Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
